Posts Tagged by Sexcapades

To Have Sex, or Not to Have Sex…

Is it okay to have sex on the first date? Second? Pre- monogamy? Pre-marital? What exactly are the rules? Are there any rules? If so, when is it okay to break the rules? In this new era of the girl revolution, we have to start thinking about what works for us. After all, this is our time so let’s start figuring out how to have what we want on our terms…


This can be quite tricky. Like juggling fire. Sex is a powerful thing and can create our deepest connection, or our cause our farthest downfall. For single girls this has always been a struggle. For single men, a dream, for single women, a nightmare. Double standard as always. Why is this?

Simply put, a woman who ‘puts out’ on the first date is seen as a whore. (men ‘score’, women whore, jeez) I’m not necessarily a proponent of quick sex, I think we should use our instincts and just wait until lit ‘feels right’ but that applies to both men and women. Why should men be able to stick their peckers into anything without discretion? I’m personally disgusted by men who have no standards. And I don’t see this as some inherent male driven impulse. We are human beings and we are supposed to control our impulses anyway. You eat too much, you get fat. Why aren’t men who have sex a lot looked upon with the same repulsion as obese people! Seriously…

So when is it okay? I’ve found that the more I like a guy at first, the less likely I am to have sex with them. As soon as I find the reasons that push him from the margins of relationship possibility, I find it more safe to ‘be’ with him physically. I figure if I don’t really like them, I’ll be less likely to devolve into the raving psychopathic harpy that I’ve seen women become (not me of course ) Unfortunately this reasoning tends to backfire for 2 reasons. 1) If I really don’t like him, the physical part is not truly satisfying. 2) I start to really like him. (I’ve fallen for complete idiots this way.)

Do men tend to lose interest when we have sex with them too soon? Yes. Easy answer. But this doesn’t mean we shouldn’t. We should do what we want to do. We just need to reprioritize. The problem is that we keep prioritizing men when they are not prioritizing us. Goal of sex ≠ get a man. Goal of sex = momentary pleasure (if you can do it that way). Perhaps if we’re not so caught up in the have a man thing, men won’t push so far away. This is easier said than done for me. I personally can not disentangle sex and emotions. So I’m just going to wait for somebody I trust.

Goal of sex = enjoy a deeper connection with a man who wants that deeper connection with you.
Imagine if every woman waited for a man they trusted. If we ALL only had sex with men who RESPECTED us! Wouldn’t leave men with much choice but to respect us. Hmmmm…