Posts Tagged by Self-Improvement

Solo Travel

Here I sit. A blissful single at a four top table on a random Wednesday in JFK airport waiting with giddy anticipation for my flight to Costa Rica, a trip I am taking by myself. This is not the first time I’ve traveled solo, and I’m sure it wont be the last. In fact I hadn’t really thought much about it until a friend of my looked at me with awe and remarked, “You’re going to a foreign country… by yourself?” each of us looking at the other like she was crazy. “Why not?” I asked and answered, forgetting for a moment that most people link friends and family into their journey. But I don’t always have that luxury. If I waited for my friends to go anywhere, I’d never make it past Miami. And trying to coordinate folks is like running full speed into the wall, getting up, and then skipping into the wall, getting up, and then walking into the wall, until eventually you just bang your fists against the wall, screaming and cursing uselessly. And as far as family is concerned… well I won’t make that mistake again (Jeesus).

So it’s me. Just little old me  And for any woman who has considered taking a trip by herself, but hasn’t, I’m here to tilt you in the right direction. I’ll start with the positive. Here are some of the absolute best things about solo travel:

You can do whatever YOU want to do.
You make your own schedule and fill it however you like. You don’t have to rush for people, wait for people, compromise, spend money you don’t want to spend, or do anything that is not a part of YOUR agenda. That can be powerful.

Meeting new people.
When you’re with friends, you can enjoy their company which is great. But solo travel really opens you up to meeting new people, which may lead to new experiences that you hadn’t considered before. Two of my close friends I met abroad, both traveling solo through Eastern Africa. One was living temporarily in Ethiopia and I got the opportunity to experience a more real, non-touristy side of life in that region. The other woman I met during that trip was so excited about where she was planning to visit next, I was enticed into taking a detour from my original plan and joining her. One of the best decisions ever. The awesome and insane adventures we had during that trip would be perfect feed for a movie. (maybe I’ll write a short story).

Freedom from other people’s crap.
Now this I mean literally. You can avoid the stinky bathroom problem. You travel, you eat together, everybody has to sh*t at the same time. You have to suffer through someone else’s funk, or be the perpetrator yourself. Blech!

Liberating.
There’s something simply empowering about seizing upon your own opportunity, not waiting for anyone else, not needing permission, or being leashed together. Walking out strong and secure on your own into uncharted territory and focusing on your own thoughts, reflections and responses to new stimuli. It can be refreshing if you have the trust, faith and openness to really make the best of your time.

BUT…. There are always buts. So let me try to rebut the buts.

Danger. (lions and tigers and men… oh my!)
Let’s face it. Women face more danger than men. It’s most likely true that they are targeted more and taken advantage of more frequently. Keeping this in mind, keep your brain on ladies. Avoidance is key. DON’T PUT YOURSELF IN A SITUATION WHERE YOU ARE LIKELY TO BE OUT OF CONTROL. Don’t drink too much, don’t get in a strange dudes car, don’t flirt with guys unless you want to talk to them, and even then, don’t give away too much information. No one has to know you’re by yourself. Use your judgment. Use your gut. Be clear about what you want and you don’t want. Danger can be avoided.

Loneliness.
This can also be avoided. Don’t stay somewhere ultra secluded. Strategically place yourself in the mix and find some friendly people to talk to. There’s always potential bubbling, open up to it. Tune into other people and see where you might jump in. And ladies, please don’t hate, talk to other women too.

Other people’s judgment.
Who cares what anyone else thinks.

More expensive.
With no one else to defray the costs of lodging, taxis, etc. solo travel is typically more expensive. Nothing I can really say about that one. You just have to deal with it or not.

So if you have the opportunity to travel, you have the time, you have the means, but you can’t seem to find anyone to accompany you, go with yourself. Try it. Do your due diligence first. Research the area, keep yourself safe, but don’t let your solo status stifle you, let your independence motivate you.

Are You a Hater?

Ladies, this hate business has got to end. The sideways glance, the look up and down, the sour face, the cold shoulder, the cutting remark, the anxious gossip, it all NEEDS TO STOP. Girl on girl hate is ridiculous and pathetic. It is a damaging force that devastates pathways towards true and meaningful interaction and instead builds barricades. Tall and striking impediments to the psycho-social well being of women. And it is not the woman who is hated on that bears the full weight of these burdensome walls, but the hater herself who suffers the most.

While reading, I came across a really powerful quote that applies to all areas of life, and is particularly fitting here :

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt resentment, ineriority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

“The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.”

The grandson tought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

-Anonymous

When we hate on other women, we are feeding and sustaining the negativity looming inside of us. We are contributing to our own destruction. Why do we do this? Where does the hate come from after all? Very simply, hating comes from jealousy. When you hate someone ho has done nothing to you, it stems from jealous insecurity. Your interpretation of your own lack, your own shortcomings, or things that you fear. Women who don’t feel at all threatened, who are happy and content don’t go around hating other women. Why would they? Women who have nothing better to do than to zero in on the imperfections of others (and we are all imperfect) and harp on those things are only attempting to boost their own ego, to make themselves feel better about themselves by focusing on the faults of someone else. Women who give other women the evil eye, the forced fake smile, are harboring hatred based upon their own feelings of lack.

And it all comes trough they eyes. You can just feel the hatred seeping through some women. The energy is profound. The tiny subtleties are enormous. Jealousy is a beast, born from the curse of insecurity, and the more it is fed, allowed and strengthened, the farther we will be from truly loving ourselves.

Do you do any of the following?

• Gossip about other women
• Feel desire for bad things to happen to other women
• Look for the imperfections in other women
• Act standoffish towards other women
• Badmouth other women to men
• Try to put yourself above other women
• Get mad when you see an attractive woman

If so, your hating. Stop it.

I know this can be hard given our culture of competition, the haves and the have nots, the beauty and glamour vs. the plain and mundane, everybody wants to be on top, everybody wants to be perfect. We have images of ‘perfection’ shoved up our nose every second. They enter our psyche and can contribute to our self perception. It’s so easy to hate. To put others down to try and build ourselves up, but that is weak.

What can we do? We have to try to stop ourselves. Don’t allow those impulses. Cut them off at the knees. Laugh at them. Realize where they come from. DON’T INDULGE!

Be honest with yourself if you’re hating. At the end of the day, you’re only hating yourself.