Do Swingers Have it Right?
It’s 2011 and relationships seem to be in the red zone. Cheating has become commonplace, down-low ish lurking in the back of well organized closets, internet porn splashed against sticky keyboards, seems like people are hiding much of their true desires. Why? Are there things that are so outlandish, so outrageous that people fear their partner will view them differently if they reveal themselves? Aren’t we supposed to love each other unconditionally? Does part of that love mean allowing our partners the freedom to explore themselves in ways that will be potentially be fulfilling to them?
With monogamy (or shall I say honest monogamy) growing more and more scarce and dangerously avoided, do relationship varietals such as swinging couples, or those in ‘open relationships’ present some screwed up, freaky version of love? Or do they actually have things more figured out?
While living in California, I became friends with a couple who were completely in love, devoted to each other, had a child together, beautiful home, all of the normal trappings of a typical married relationship, only their’s was ‘open.’ At first I was stunned. The wife was sweet and seemed to be demure, and the husband was pouring charm, sizzling with flirtation. My first impression was that she must be completely submissive, catering to his whims. After all, I found myself growing jealous of the attention he gave to other women, I couldn’t imagine how his wife must have felt. “She must be either the weakest woman, or the strongest woman ever…” I remember commenting, and after some privy to their lifestyle, I think it may have been the latter.
First of all, their relationship was premised on ultimate love for each other. We are all human beings. We naturally have attractions to other people, and perhaps chemistry exists for a reason. Should we try to stifle that? Or allow ourselves to explore the connections we have with others? If we have a stronger connection with someone else, does it really make sense to be committed to the first person anyway? If two people are SURE that they are right for each other, than why not venture into relations with others, since those will never compare to or challenge the initial relationship? You can get to know someone new, have a good time, explore and share with others, and still maintain your love and compassion for the person you are committed to. Why cut yourself off or limit yourself? Fear? If you’re afraid the person is going to leave you, perhaps you are not confident in the love in the first place. Isn’t it a greater expression of love to allow the person to fully live out their soul connections and relations to other people?
This is the reasoning as I’ve worked it out. Would I be able to do it? Doubtful. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still in the zone of my romanticized notion of somebody saying and believing that I am all they really need. Maybe the greater intimacy is not even needing to explore. To acknowledge your attraction to others, but shrugging it off as unworthy by comparison. Is that retarted? Maybe it is, since everyone’s cheating on each other. All I know is what I’m capable of. I know that once I find what I really want, there’s no looking back. No glancing sideways. No need. I’m like the damn horse with the blinders, that’s just how I operate. But whose to say that the folks who are swinging and staying together don’t have a better grasp on how relationships should be?