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Committed to Partying…

Men past 30 are fucked up. Let’s just state the plain and simple truth. Okay, maybe 35. If your 35 and up and you are single, never been married, and you are a man, you have issues. Maybe women also, but to a lesser extent. It’s easy for a woman to become loyal to a man who evades marriage, and when she turns around, she’s mid-thirties. With a dude, on the other hand, 9 out of 10, he’s the perpetrating commitment-phobe.

So what’s going on with the post-35s? There are certainly hordes of this group who are emotionally unavailable (see top ten signs to his emotional unavailability). Male ego walls are made of alloyed steel, and any trauma to the sensitive tissue of the inner ego, even from years ago, is likely to result in an unbreakable fortress of defense (and subconscious revenge). The manifestations are wickedly brilliant. A fascinating array of conflicting behavior and gut wrenching indifference. Misleading us all.

Some are just haphazard. Crazy. Beyond repair. Others are hurtful. Spiteful. And many more without knowing they are. The post 35s in ‘da club’ with sad guppy targets, easy and numerous. (I long for a time when gray hair was dignified).

Men in ‘da club’ have never earned stripes. This reminds me of the classic Coming to America moment, where Miley from Miley’s Barber Shop (played by Eddie Murphy) was talking to Prince Hakim (also played by Eddie Murphy) and says something like “Nooooo son, you can’t go to no bar to meet a good woman! You got to go to a good place… like library… there are good women there, and church… there are good girls there, oh! And this place I’m going tonight, the Ms. Awareness pageant… there’s gonna be some fine women there!”

This was a gem of advice! But sadly, there is no Mr. Anything pageant with half naked adoring men on display (if you don’t get this reference, go watch Coming to America immediately… )

So where should women go to meet men? Church? Mmmmm, I go to church to praise God, not look for men. I’m not looking for men at the gym or the bookstore either. And men who are trying to pick up women they don’t know while out randomly running errands are creepy! I met a guy at the gym once, and he kept on working out behind me and texting me about how I looked (aaaaagggghhh! Yick! I had to change my gym schedule…)

Places where social interaction is inherent are the places we happen to meet the most people. If you’re out of school and working, then lounges, parties, bbq’s, and other social functions seem like your best opportunity. But in this scene as a post 35 is precarious. Some are truly caught up in this lifestyle, a non-stop party addiction to “pleasure.” In it’s extended longevity looms a needy abandon, continually spiting itself.

The last guy I started to truly care about (they come few and far between) began his reign of marked distance just as thing were about to bloom. Why? He was busy. Sooooo very busy. With friends parties, and Vegas trips, and well… more parties that he was “committed” to. His words. The irony of those words in that context was striking. I’m all for friends and good times, but a commitment to partying? Is this okay? Is this the new normal? Am I abnormal for expecting anything more at this stage? Or am I subconsciously setting myself up? Are we men and women “of a certain age” really just committed to not being committed?

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