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The New Era of Passive Men




Has the new age of ripening female empowerment bred a generation of hopelessly passive men? Seems like so many guys sit around carelessly while women become duped into the pursuers. I’ve been reading a few male advice columns lately, and have come to find out that men are actually advised to hold back, step off, and otherwise treat a woman with butterfingers. This generates interest from the women, they say. Is this true? Well, partially, but are men following this advice? Or are they truly indifferent? OR is it the case that ‘they’re just not that into you?’

Ever kinda ‘dated’ a guy who was always around and available to hang, but never really actively pursued the hang out? Well, case in point, I am (or was, or maybe will be) dating this dude who I have a great time with and is always down to spend time, but does not usually initiate our dates. I thought it might be the case that ‘he just wasn’t that into me’ but the man has not had a relationship in over 6 years!!! Is he ‘just not that into anyone?’ Gay? (always my go to, but I doubt it) Indifferent? Irreparably heartbroken? (which leads to the protective walls of indifference) Either way, he is completely passive.

I thought it might have been because I wasn’t putting out, until I thought about how passive my ex-boyfriend was (I’m not sure I can even call him that since his ‘boyfriend’ status waxed and waned so rapidly). He had to pressured and pushed into everything. His passivity I blamed on the opposite idea… we were intimate too soon. He was too comfortable (the ‘why buy the cow’ syndrome).

So it’s not about jumping into bed too soon, it’s not about not jumping into bed, do we have to play with some invisible line between the two? Is it not about sex at all? Why are these men so passive? Or is it just that I am aggressive? Are women’s newly aggressive tendencies being balanced out by male passivity? Or do people just not know how to relate to each other anymore?

Even when I am ‘patient’ and do all the ‘right things,’ men still seem to be passive, moving at a snail’s pace at best. Another guy I started dating took me out a month ago on our first date. Let me say that again… a month ago. Since then, he has tried to make a date with me twice (one was snowed out, the other I was busy). He seems to show me he’s interested. He maintains contact, usually calls instead of texts, tries to plan in advance, but one date a month? Really guy?

This lackadaisical attitude might garner some attention from women, but it’s not going to build a healthy relationship. First of all, if a woman likes a guy, she likes him. Period. A guy is not going to magically MAKE a woman like him by being unavailable. So, if the interest is already there, all the ‘pull back’ ‘unavailability’ and ‘mystery’ may simply give him the upper hand. If he’s doing this purposely, and it’s not coming from an organic place, how long will it last? How long will a guy continue to ‘play games?’ And to what end? This is not what good solid relationships are predicated on.

It’s like the woman who plays games in order to get a man to marry her. And then what happens during the marriage? How does she keep up these appearances that she’s created? Who wants to do that?

But maybe relationship are all about playing games. Perhaps I’m not good enough at deception to be in a relationship (lol). Well, if that’s true, I’m happy to be single. Along with all of the passive men…




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