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Barfomatic Cinema

So I’m watching Back Up Plan, starring the ‘should have been just actress,’ J-Lo. Cool. Something I can totally relate to. Matter of fact, I have an appointment with the fertility clinic next week. The story starts off good. Independent woman. Left the corporate gig for something more touchy feely. Heart driven and warm. Okay, she’s totally me. Then not 5 minutes into the movie and what happens? Mr. Right. That evil malfeasant being. Mr. Right steps into the picture. Great for our heroine, the character we relate to, but realistic? Let’s see…

After fucking our heroine on the second date, Mr. right decides that he can’t be without her DESPITE THE FACT THAT SHE WAS ALREADY PREGNANT. Date #2. Already fucked. Am I missing something? So apparently I have to tell dudes I’ve been artificially inseminated in order to be actively pursued after fucking? Oh… okay. I’ll try that next time.
After date #2, Mr. right accompanies a pregnant J-Lo to the fertility doctor where they discover that she is carrying twins. Double bang for your buck. How does he respond? Freaked out, but still there. (After all, he’s 2 dates invested).
So she’s getting fat. Throwing up. All this cute stuff, set to the soundtrack that makes us smile and snap in a corn filled utopia. That darn J-Lo’s got it pegged just right…. (sigh) I can’t wait to get pregnant so I can meet the man of my dreams.
With a little baby ponch, this mother of a bitch is getting more action than I’ve considered all year! (So really I’m just bitter and jaded)… : (
And then after sticking in there to almost the final chapter, enduring the most gruesome and painful realities, supporting her in ways unimaginable even for married women, he made one minor blunder… a mere slip of the lip in which he truthfully states that her twins are not his and that… THAT is what formed a rift between them! That was the major transgression that formed the peak of their struggle???  Pardon me, but fucking his ex-girlfriend and getting her pregnant was not enough to part me from my wayward boyfriend, but this mere truthful utterance was enough to let Jlo let her beloved go…. Hmmmm
With a snap of the fingers, she has him back. Rushing with her to the hospital, trying to make up just in time, before she has the babies. Chasing her. Into the delivery room. Imagine that.
He’s so happy with the twin girls, he proposes in front of all her friends. (Sappy orchestra commence)

Realistic? Well, the guys I know can’t commit to a date, a phone call, or even a statement, much less commit to twins that aren’t his after the second date when he’s not even financially stable. But it’s not real life it’s a movie. We’re supposed to feel good. Feel safe. But is the hope we are fed through these images nutritious or noxious? Is this is another smack in the face to single women who watch and continue to wonder…. If Jlo can do it, what’s wrong with me? Or is this a gleaming example of what we should be trying to bring about for ourselves?

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