Are You a Hater?

Ladies, this hate business has got to end. The sideways glance, the look up and down, the sour face, the cold shoulder, the cutting remark, the anxious gossip, it all NEEDS TO STOP. Girl on girl hate is ridiculous and pathetic. It is a damaging force that devastates pathways towards true and meaningful interaction and instead builds barricades. Tall and striking impediments to the psycho-social well being of women. And it is not the woman who is hated on that bears the full weight of these burdensome walls, but the hater herself who suffers the most.

While reading, I came across a really powerful quote that applies to all areas of life, and is particularly fitting here :

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt resentment, ineriority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

“The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.”

The grandson tought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

-Anonymous

When we hate on other women, we are feeding and sustaining the negativity looming inside of us. We are contributing to our own destruction. Why do we do this? Where does the hate come from after all? Very simply, hating comes from jealousy. When you hate someone ho has done nothing to you, it stems from jealous insecurity. Your interpretation of your own lack, your own shortcomings, or things that you fear. Women who don’t feel at all threatened, who are happy and content don’t go around hating other women. Why would they? Women who have nothing better to do than to zero in on the imperfections of others (and we are all imperfect) and harp on those things are only attempting to boost their own ego, to make themselves feel better about themselves by focusing on the faults of someone else. Women who give other women the evil eye, the forced fake smile, are harboring hatred based upon their own feelings of lack.

And it all comes trough they eyes. You can just feel the hatred seeping through some women. The energy is profound. The tiny subtleties are enormous. Jealousy is a beast, born from the curse of insecurity, and the more it is fed, allowed and strengthened, the farther we will be from truly loving ourselves.

Do you do any of the following?

• Gossip about other women
• Feel desire for bad things to happen to other women
• Look for the imperfections in other women
• Act standoffish towards other women
• Badmouth other women to men
• Try to put yourself above other women
• Get mad when you see an attractive woman

If so, your hating. Stop it.

I know this can be hard given our culture of competition, the haves and the have nots, the beauty and glamour vs. the plain and mundane, everybody wants to be on top, everybody wants to be perfect. We have images of ‘perfection’ shoved up our nose every second. They enter our psyche and can contribute to our self perception. It’s so easy to hate. To put others down to try and build ourselves up, but that is weak.

What can we do? We have to try to stop ourselves. Don’t allow those impulses. Cut them off at the knees. Laugh at them. Realize where they come from. DON’T INDULGE!

Be honest with yourself if you’re hating. At the end of the day, you’re only hating yourself.