Playing Games

I think I’ve figured out why I’m single… I’m bad at playing games. Or maybe not so much that I’m bad, in fact, I’m fiercely competitive. So why can’t I play these same kinds of games with relationships?

If you do any kind of internet search out there, conventional ‘wisdom’  (the female advice columns) will all suggest that you MUST play some level of games with a man. This is a natural proclivity, they assert. Playing games keeps him interested. Caters to his ‘hunter’ instinct.

This is interesting. Fascinating. And sadly, a lot of the suggestions really do work. But I have a question… which female instinct is being catered to?

If it is true that nature works in balances, in compliments, night and day, positive and negative charges, and that these types of balances sustain us, and that men and women represent an example of this type of complimentary pairing (even a man’s body parts ‘fit’ with a woman’s like pieces to a puzzle), then why is this man’s ‘hunters instinct’ not balanced out by a woman’s instinct to be out of range? If the presumption is that men want to instinctually ‘hunt’ women as if they are some elusive prey, why don’t women want to run, duck, hide and take cover?

Think about it. Is it really in a woman’s nature to be like “Yeah, I don’t care, I’m totally indifferent towards this guy.” Either she REALLY does not give an eff, or she’s gaming. So let’s examine this shall we? If she truly  does not care, can this really be satisfying some sort of human biological imperative? Would this mean that women naturally are supposed to be completely indifferent to men? Maybe until they are ‘won over?’ And in that case, one of two circumstances can occur. Either the woman just simply settles for the guy who is actively pursuing her, or she ‘loses’ and falls into actually caring, thereby giving him the upper hand. How is this game playing natural or even complimentary?

And when did it get all screwed up? Is this all just a part of the weird electricity of the moment? With new relationship dynamics and women in more assertive and dominant roles, have we lost some sort of submissive ‘prey’ like tendency that men ‘hunt’ for? Or is it more about just being unavailable and aloof? And if so, why are we not naturally like this with the men we’re attracted to? Why do we care? Why are we checking our texts for that guy we like? If we follow some sort of earthly order, perhaps we should end up with a man we don’t really care about.

But who really wants that? Why instead do we go gaga over the man we truly desire, if that man needs the opposite from us? Are we just living in contradiction to our primordial selves? If so why? How did this happen?

And if we do decide to play games for the one we really want, then we are making a conscious decision to manipulate. And what is manipulation but another form of a.… LIE!!! Really? Excuse me, is this correct? To fall in love and be happy, you have to LIE to get there? Hmmmm…


Put Down the Crackberry…

In the new electronic age of communication people don’t talk anymore. I’m learning to accept this. Sitting around with friends and everyone is wedded to their phone or their laptop. Incessant clicking replacing the banter of voices. But what about when you’re on a date? What level of phone interaction is reasonable when you are with someone to whom you are romantically inclined? Well, there are different situations in which people may use their phone.

You make the call: If you whip out your phone and start texting or emailing in the middle of a date with someone, you’re basically saying to that person, ‘there are other things and people way more important than you right now. Matter of fact you’re boring me so much, that I must immediately check in with said other people or situations.’ This is just plain rude. Whatever it is, it can wait.

You take the call: If your phone is chiming and you glance to see who it is and what it is, taking only a moment to read the screen, then it is only a moment of rudeness. Better, but it still sends a message to your date that better things may be on the plate, and your interest is still diverted.

On the other hand, if you engage your calling phone and start to respond, it’s just as rude as whipping it out in the first place because it completely subordinates your date to whatever is going on in the phone.

The business call: Probably the most acceptable of the three, but should be mentioned beforehand and minimized as much as possible.

Considering cell phones were only really popularized about 10-15 years ago, the evolutionary stage of the cell phone seems super advanced. For some people, phones have become an appendage to their hand. An extension of their very being. An obsession, or an addiction, hence the crackberry. Phones for many seem attached to ego. Another way to demonstrate some sort of prowess, a level of importance. On dates some use phones to show off, others to hide and avoid. Either way it is RUDE!

I’ve had men on dates explain their calls or texts to me as they indulge in them (like I’m their jealous girlfriend). I don’t want justifications, I’d rather have courtesy. Guys and girls alike, why is it so hard to just put it away and focus on the person you’re hanging out with? Show the date the proper respect they deserve! At least until they don’t deserve it… I know we’re in a super high tech age of rapid downloading through complex and diversified media and dialogue through video streamed high speed communication but c’mon man, some things are just plain simple…

Young Tender (YT)

by Connie T.C.

OK, let’s be clear on the definition of the YT. The YT is more than your average
20 something type of guy. He’s a rare breed of man who can only be plucked and
procured at a special time of the year; preferably right before the snow
begins to fall and one begins to feel the craving for tender young meat that
often settles in with the season’s cold winds. The YT is short for a “young tender”
similar in experience to young chicken, not yet toughened by too many days on
the farm, still young, supple and soft, making for a delightful taste
experience when paired with a fine wine or something else of
comparable sensuous and decadent nature. The YT, in its youth and
beauty, is to be fully enjoyed and imbibed, appreciated for no more or
less than that which it is. The YT will eagerly command tricks to
raise even the most experienced brow and will be an enthusiastic
audience for any feats that one might feel inclined to bestow on the
YT. Take the experience of a YT as one of the great pleasures of life,
a fine meal, a young, but mature wine to be enjoyed by the warmth of a
non-functioning fireplace here or there. The YT is and will
remain a delicacy, a young tender reminder that life is good,
innocence still abounds, and beauty will remain ageless when reflected
in the eyes of the YT. The YT’s wish is your command, so
enjoy your date and revel in the gems that will inevitably
fall from the mouth of the YT. This is the
legacy of the YT. “